Vote Issues NOT Wolokoso

During the elections, the Citizens’ Coalition on Electoral Democracy in Uganda (CCEDU) distributed bright orange vests to be worn with "Vote Issues NOT Wolokoso" printed on the back. The boda I took to work this morning was wearing one.

I asked him what "wolokoso" means before hopping onto the back of the boda, and he said "words," which makes sense, vote issues not words.

So where did he get the vest? I don't remember noticing them at all back in February! Were they distributed to boda drivers during elections? To electoral workers? To volunteers? Did he score the sweet vest while shopping last Friday at the Kamwokya Market??? I hope I see him tomorrow (I know his boda, it's the one with the beige snake skin seat, with the pink piping and fringe) so that I can ask.

Update: I asked him, and he told me that police distributed the vest to boda drivers during elections.

The article below is from back in early February, a point of reference for when "vote issues not wolokoso" became the slogan flavor of the week, and is also a hilarious rundown of all 8 presidential candidates!

Pablo: Presidential candidate's pros and cons

"Honour your vote. Vote issues not wolokoso" is the latest slogan plastered everywhere. But what is wolokoso?

My nine-year-old niece thought it was one of the presidential candidates. Unreliable sources confirm that wolokoso means things that don’t make sense.

Eight candidates are competing for the post of President in the upcoming elections. They all claim to love this country more than their birthday. Allow me to express my opinion on why I would vote or not vote each candidate.

Why I would vote for President Yoweri Museveni.
I would vote for him because he’s my OB. Who wouldn’t want to have a former schoolmate for president; a rapper at that?

Why I wouldn’t vote for Museveni
His speeches are mostly based on remembrance. We have remembered, remembered and remembered things that happened in 1986. Those who were born after must be wondering whether the events are based on true life stories or from Harry Porter scripts.

Why I would vote for Bidandi Ssali
Bidandi would get my vote because he’s my neighbour in Bukoto. I’m sure security would be beefed up in Nsimbiziwome, that’s if they don’t evict us for being a security threat.

Why I wouldn’t vote for Bidandi
The choice of a lantern as a party symbol brings back bad memories of poverty. It reminds me of the days when we didn’t have paraffin. Bobi Wine’s song Kataala makes it even worse.

Why I would vote Kizza Besigye
Besigye is a hunk. I would vote for him because we attended a wedding together. He reminds me of the legendary wrestler Hulk Horgan when he speaks.

Why I wouldn’t vote for Besigye
I envy his courage to dance but I don’t admire his dance strokes. He should get some training from bazungu expatriates. Their dance strokes entirely depend on the weather, not the music playing. I wonder why they are always in a hurry even when dancing to slow music.

Why I would vote Beti Kamya
Kamya is a beauty. It wouldn’t take her lots of time convincing donors to give us money. All they need is to take photos with her and keep them in their albums. That would save us from writing a bunch of proposals.

Why I wouldn’t vote Kamya
Her poster is like that of an inspirational speaker or an upcoming pastor. I don’t know why she chose a giraffe as her symbol. Ugandans have nothing to do with giraffes. It would make sense if they were edible.

Why I would vote Norbert Mao
I would vote Mao because he’s my friend on Facebook. Who wouldn’t want to poke or chat with the president directly without signing ten visitors’ books before reaching him?

Why I wouldn’t vote Mao
I wouldn’t vote for Mao because of his wife. She’s so beautiful that she would steal all the attention from the president.

Why I would vote Abed Bwanika
I would vote Dr Bwanika because of his recent martial arts antics exhibited on his campaign trail when some security operatives tried to stop the man of God from campaigning.

Why I wouldn’t vote Bwanika
What will happen to his church if he deserts it for presidency? I only get to hear of him when it’s time for elections. Where does he spend the rest of the years after elections?

Why I would vote Sam Lubega
I would vote for Lubega, because I don’t know him, never heard of him, and I don’t know his plans for the nation.

Why I wouldn’t vote Lubega
I wouldn’t vote for him because I don’t know him, never heard of him, and I don’t know his plans for the nation.

Why I would vote Olara Otunnu
Otunnu is the first Acholi I’ve seen who talks in slow motion. He gives you an impression that he wouldn’t harm a fly.

Why I wouldn’t vote Otunnu
His attire is always undecided. It’s hard to tell whether it’s a shirt, a kanzu or a night gown.

-The Observer

Where I work!

"Training hundreds, to train thousands, who care for millions."

I really like that.



Who I work with!

William, Ziadah (pictured below), Margaret, Virgin Mary (pictured in the background), and Janepher





The steep road leading down to the Learning Hub office...



past the bananas, cassava, and sugar cane...



almost there!



The Learning Hub!





The view from my desk on the 2nd floor (to the right is where we take lunch)



The office... fancy!





and no office would be complete without signs in the bathroom!



(Yes, and yes, to whatever you're thinking.)



AND no modern office would be complete without emails like this!

________________________________________
From: Milly Xxxxxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, June 01, 2011 2:59 PM
To: Martha Xxxxxxxxx; Training Department
Cc: IDCAP Team; KCC; KKP Staff
Subject: RE: Telephone Extension at Reception

Congs Martha.

________________________________________
From: Martha Xxxxxxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, June 01, 2011 8:12 AM
To: Training Department
Cc: IDCAP Team; KCC; KKP Staff
Subject: Telephone Extension at Reception

Dear All,

I am writing to inform you that a phone has been installed at the reception.
My extension number is 434.

Kind regards,
Martha Xxxxxxxxx

I just...

I just barfed 20 mins after taking my doxycycline without food. Lesson learned, "take with food" is actually not a suggestion.

WTF...

... is what I mistakenly read whenever I see WFP (World Food Programme) emails in my inbox. Yikes! They should really rethink that.

Vintage Mzee

That's quite the Dictator 'stache, M7!

Evoking Duende Somewhere between Blue and Green

To live in the borderlands means you
are neither hispana india negra española
ni gabacha, eres mestiza, mulata, half-breed
caught in the crossfire between camps while carrying all five races on your back
not knowing which side to turn to, run from;

To live in the Borderlands means knowing
that the india in you, betrayed for 500 years,
is no longer speaking to you,
that mexicanas call you rajetas,
that denying the Anglo inside you
is as bad as having denied the Indian or Black;

Cuando vives en la frontera
people walk through you, wind steals your voice,
you’re a burra, buey, scapegoat
forerunner of a new race,
half and half–both woman and man, neither–
a new gender;

To live in the Borderlands means to
put chile in the borscht
eat whole wheat tortillas,
speak Tex-Mex with a Brooklyn accent;
be stopped by la migra at the border check points;

Living in the Borderlands means you fight hard to
resist the gold elixer beckoning from the bottle,
the pull of the gun barrel,
the rope crushing the hollow of your throat;

In the Borderlands
you are the battleground
where enemies are kin to each other;
you are at home, a stranger,
the border disputes have been settled
the volley of shots have shattered the truce
you are wounded, lost in action
dead, fighting back;

To live in the Borderlands means
the mill with the razor white teeth wants to shred off
your olive-red skin, crush out the kernel, your heart
pound you pinch you roll you out
smelling like white bread but dead;

To survive in the Borderlands
you must live sin fronteras
be a crossroads.

From Gloria Anzuldua’s Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza (San Francisco: Aunt Lute Books, I987)

Somewhere between Blue and Green from Evoking Duende: Travel and poetry from an American writer in Andalucía

how to rip Ugandan VCDs: part 2

So after downloading a bunch of free trial versions of software that converts .dat files into .mp3 files, I gave them all a spin and found a free trial version of ImToo that converts up to 5 mins of video into audio, so I was finally able to rip the overgrown pile of VCDs sitting on my desk borrowed from various Ugandan friends. Yay!

I ALSO found a way to download streaming videos as .mp4 files using KeepVid, which is a program that uses some JavaScript that essentially creates a link on the fly for downloading videos from websites like YouTube, TED, Facebook, etc.

I love how the phrase "on the fly" references the exact same concept across my two totally unrelated careers: my VERY short-lived career in the service industry (possibly short-lived due to it being spent working at the Macaroni Grill), and my current career working in software development.

I was definitely into piracy before I came to Uganda, but since I've been here, I think I've become pretty good at it.

how to rip Ugandan VCDs: part 1