menstruation and matooke

I think I've found the cure for cramps, and it is...

*drum roll, please*

Matooke!



So now I obviously have to either: 1) live in East Africa forever, or 2) locate a matooke supplier (aka a "matooke guy"... or girl!) back home in the US.

***

Not to mention produce obnoxious feminine hygiene product ads from which I will reap untold billions.